‘How does everybody decide what to do next ?’

That was a lurking question in my head as a child when I looked at everybody around me, so sure of how to conduct their lives on a day-to-day basis.

I was confused.

Out of countless activities one can perform next, how does one decide what is most appropriate ?

Stupid question. I know.

But that’s how I was. And I found the question to be stupid as a child too. Hence, I did not ask anyone and simply started following what was approved by the elders.

Where do you think the life of such one would land eventually ?

As I see it now, I was an intuitive child, but intuition did not have any place in the circumstances I was born into. Hence, I followed the noise around (until I could not).

—

Looking at myself in the mirror has been one of my strongest habits since childhood. But not only out of vanity.

I vividly remember this one time, around 4th grade, I was alone with a full-length mirror of my mother’s dressing table, completely naked and thinking to myself,

‘Who is this ?’  ‘What is this body?’ ‘Who is Vineeta ?’

‘Do others question the same about themselves?’

Nope, everyone felt so sure.

And hence, I shied away again from asking the related questions.

Photo by Jerry Wang on Unsplash